So, you’ve been invited to dinner and the hostess wants you to play “sex in the kitchen”? Girl, you are in the kitchen cooking up a great meal. Girl, how hot you look while you are doing the great deed. Place you on the table, at the head of the table. Tipped forks, open arms, hands at your sides, ready for some touching.

Okay, so maybe “sex in the kitchen over by the stove” isn’t the best title for this particular session, but it is one that I had to include because it is very important that you as the inexperienced, scared-go-nuts woman who is about to be penetrated by a man have a clear, concise line of communication with the man in your life. (You might also call it “making love like the restaurant was closed.” Don’t worry about the pun.)

Imagine this sex in the kitchen scenario

Okay, so here you are, in the kitchen, preparing dinner. And you are also completely, utterly, totally unprepared. You don’t have any sex toys. You don’t even have the faintest idea where to begin when it comes to pleasuring your man in the bedroom.

Wait, don’t panic! Just calm down for now!

That voice in your head is telling you to get a bunch of towels out of the cupboard and then you are going to sit yourself down at the table and tell your man that you are in the kitchen and you want sex in the kitchen. Then, while he is eating his dinner, he will be getting extremely hard and your job is to keep him from exploding while his food splatters all over the place. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.

Okay, firstly, before we even get started I want you to do something really simple

Just get yourself some lotion or oil of some sort. Just get some lotion or oil with some nice luxurious scent in it because this is not going to be a normal day. We are going to be making love in the kitchen. You want to smell nice, right?

Now then, after you’ve got yourself some nice oil with some nice scent or scents, you just go to the cupboard and you grab yourself a few nice pieces of paper towel and you put the paper towel on your man’s testicles so that he can’t push them back in. Okay, so now you have his testicles all wet with his semen. Then you grab yourself a nice little pair of t-shirts, a-line them up so that the girls can each take one. Put the t-shirt on your girl and tell her to put her feet up on a chair and then you’ll watch as she goes crazy with this whole sex in the kitchen sex scenario. Now, the next part is for you to tell your girl that you think she looks really hot in that kitchen outfit, so tell her that you think she looks good.